The Other Laundry List

1) To cover our fear of people and our dread of isolation we tragically become the very
authority figures who frighten others and cause them to withdraw.
2) To avoid becoming enmeshed and entangled with other people and losing ourselves in the
process, we become rigidly self-sufficient. We disdain the approval of others.
3) We frighten people with our anger and threat of belittling criticism.
4) We dominate others and abandon them before they can abandon us or we avoid
relationships with dependent people altogether. To avoid being hurt, we isolate and
dissociate and thereby abandon ourselves.
5) We live life from the standpoint of a victimizer, and are attracted to people we can
manipulate and control in our important relationships.
6) We are irresponsible and self-centered. Our inflated sense of self-worth and self-importance
prevents us from seeing our deficiencies and shortcomings.
7) We make others feel guilty when they attempt to assert themselves.
8) We inhibit our fear by staying deadened and numb.
9) We hate people who “play” the victim and beg to be rescued.
10) We deny that we’ve been hurt and are suppressing our emotions by the dramatic expression
of “pseudo” feelings.
11) To protect ourselves from self punishment for failing to “save” the family we project our
self-hate onto others and punish them instead.
12) We “manage” the massive amount of deprivation we feel, coming from abandonment
within the home, by quickly letting go of relationships that threaten our “independence”
(not too close).
13) We refuse to admit we’ve been affected by family dysfunction or that there was dysfunction
in the home or that we have internalized any of the family’s destructive attitudes and
14) We act as if we are nothing like the dependent people who raised us.